The moment I picked up this card from my reading, I knew I was in a bit of trouble. I've been feeling it for so long but I haven't got the conviction and the drive to really move forward with it. I was still enjoying all the other things I do on a daily basis, but if there's one thing that has been nagging me on and off for several years now, and most especially lately, it is all about making choices.
My subconscious is telling me to choose... choose what do I really want to do with my life. Do I just keep doing the things I do and get the same results each time (which is not a bad deal if I really think about it). Or do I focus on just a few things and make them great?
I feel like a big part of me wants to just focus on a few things and be great at them. For instance, I want to quit my online freelance jobs and just do my crafts; I want to just be better at windsurfing and forget about wanting to surf or wakeboard again; I want to travel on my own and stop waiting for Peter's free time. I want this coming new year to be different. I want less clutter in my life and more focus. Hopefully, the money will just follow.
You might be wondering where all these things are coming from.
You see, whenever the five of wands is drawn from a deck, it signifies that the environment is fighting against you. For instance:
"You wake up and stub your toe going to the bathroom. You're in the shower and find out there's no soap. At breakfast, you get juice on your shirt. When you get to the car, your battery is dead. It's going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. You're beset by hassles - those petty annoyances that are infuriating because they are so minor."
These infuriating annoyances actually happened. I was reaching for the jar of honey one morning when it slipped and shattered on the floor. Then I stubbed my heel with a broken glass. Then I cut my hand. That day, I was feeling such a mixture of emotions that I was attracting all these bad things. My mind kept wandering to all the choices available to me. I wanted to quit my jobs but I also don't want to quit my jobs. I wanted to just make soaps all day everyday but I just can't. Upon realizing the chaos I was in, I meditated and did a tarot reading, then this card showed up.
The Five of Wands also stands for competition. It's an internal one for me. I have these two amazing friends who are following their passion for making and selling their own crafts. They inspire me to give my crafts more focus and at the same time, I am also feeling a bit competitive about it. But I have to admit that right now, I cannot afford to give my crafts more focus than the few hours I can devote to them every week. But I'm still hoping.
True enough, like what the card says, in the right circumstances, competition is useful. It fosters extra effort, generates excitement and encourages the best. I was actually so inspired by these friends of mine (Peachie and Marichit) that I gave my soap making more time this week. I was able to make ten kinds of soaps and I am in the process of getting my new crafty website up. It feels good to be taking steps to follow my heart. And soon, I will really have to choose. Lest I end up living the same kind of life year after year after year, juggling so many different things in 24 hours. So far, I'm surviving. But wouldn't it be nice if we can just do what truly makes us happy? (^_^)
Jen, it must be an Aquarian thing. I also went through a similar point although a bit worse these past few days. Instead of breaking a jar of honey I was beset by delays in all its infinite forms. I also got caught up in thoughts of wanting to be able to do what I really want and also involving the question of whether I want to excel on a few things or do everything I want. May hoarding tendency kasi tayo :D It's going to be a bit of a long process but let's support each other, there will be times na things will be at their most challenging. *hug*
ReplyDelete"May hoarding tendency kasi tayo." --- OMG Marichit! What you said, especially this phrase, made so much sense that I am actually having goosebumps right now! We really do! I perpetually try to take everything, not wanting to give up anything even if I know I'll just get burnt out in the end. It's a never ending cycle of frustration fueled by this crazy belief that I can do it all... that I'm a super woman. Sigh. I know it's going to be a long process. But if there's a shortcut somewhere, I'd force myself to take it. And maybe it starts with making a choice, even if it's seemingly not the right one at the moment.
ReplyDelete