The "card of the day" I picked for my tarot reading is kind of hard to swallow and until now I'm still trying to understand and process what it really means. Add to that the fact that I had a dream wherein I woke up crying. Again, not a good sign.
Let me tackle it here one by one. Hopefully, by the end of this post, I would have already resolved this. And if you have a similar dream or a similar reading, I hope my insights here would be able to help you.
My card for the day: Four of Cups
"Whenever the Four of Cups is drawn, it symbolizes stubbornness, ungratefulness and self-absorption. And all this is self-imposed. There is always a choice to take the kindness of the universe and join everyone in the real world whenever you choose. The appearance of this card insists that your detachment from being part of the world is becoming an issue.
A young man sits beneath a tree on a hillside. There is a subdued landscape off in the distance under a brilliant blue sky. The boy is sitting cross-legged with his arms folded. His head is slightly bowed and his eyes appear to be closed. In the foreground, just down the hill, are three golden chalices. They rest upright on flat, solid ground. The green hillside is alive with shoots of new grass. Floating at the young man's eye level is a small cloud. From it a hand protrudes, holding a fourth, matching cup."
Okay, I admit, I have been absorbed in my own thoughts more than I should the past few weeks. I have been sick right after the new year, my body clock is on Western Time Zone as usual and I'm always left on my own, alone with my thoughts and feelings. Most of the time, I'd just brush these thoughts aside because I know they won't help me and would just bring me down. I do choose to live in the now and not be bogged down by my past as much as I can. And because of my current lifestyle, I seem to be so detached from the world that I fail to go out and be with other people, well, because I am awake when most of the people are asleep and socializing isn't one of my major priorities anymore.
Four of Cups: Description
"The ambiguous nature of the boy is key to this card. Is the boy pouting or asleep? The question really asks if he is resisting the offer of another cup in his intransigence or is he missing out on the offer of another cup by being asleep. The card symbolizes opportunities ignored or unrealized. Cups are the Tarot's suit of emotions and in this card they are your future regrets if you do not stop sulking or sleeping. The card is a call to action; it is time to wake up, be alert and to be open to new experiences.
In the present position, the Four of Cups indicates that you are closed off to a solution that would assist you. You might be stubbornly clinging to the old way of doing things. There may be someone in your life who is offering you love and you are turning it down, or you are so self-involved that you do not even know what love is beyond self-love. You will have to confront yourself and be totally honest with how you are behaving, as this card brings up excuses and rationalizations as a defense mechanism to continue the pattern of avoidance symbolized by the crossed arms of the boy illustrated on the card."
Come to think of it, lately, in my head, I have been holding on to a certain way of life. I've built myself a certain routine that I am happy and most productive with and I'm scared of the time when I'll have to change it and make a new one once again. I know I have already made plans to change my life pretty soon but a part of me is sort of resisting this change because of fear that things might not turn out for the best, doubt that it might never last and worry that things might just fall apart. I know, I know... these are all negative and unhelpful things and must be discarded ASAP! Which is why I am writing it all down here. It helps me think, process these cobwebs in my head and let the negative vibes go.
Let's tie this up with my dream...
So I woke up crying. In my dream, I saw this girl crying because she's losing the man she loves because the guy's mom is forcing them apart. Sounds familiar, huh? Though the girl I saw in my dreams is not me (she's an American actress while the guy is an African-American Actor), of course it's just my subconscious way of representing me and my suppressed emotions.
"To see someone else crying in your dream, may be a projection of your own feelings onto someone else. If you do not cry in your waking life, then seeing someone else cry may be a little easier to deal with than seeing yourself cry. To wake up crying represents some suppressed hurt or previous trauma that is coming up to the surface. You can no longer suppress these emotions. They need to be dealt with head on."
I've shared with a few friends that I have been studying how to understand men by reading some books and subscribing to relationship blogs written by men for women. I'll share with you these books soon on my book blog which I want to update real soon. But for now, let me just say that because of my studies, I have been learning so much about how guys think and act that I feel like I have been thinking and acting like one more than I should if only to understand better the men in my life. My male side has been brought to the surface as of late more than my female side that perhaps my female side is seeking an outlet, hence the crying dream and the waking up crying part. Add to that the fact that indeed, there has been trauma late last year and perhaps I still haven't resolved all those painful emotions; and because of the changes that I will be doing in my life soon, these issues about my previous trauma have been coming to the surface through my subconscious... through my dreams. Coz God knows that in my waking life, consciously, I am happy. I have never been more at peace and happier as far as I can tell and feel. Even my good friend Koryn noticed that I don't have any mood swings anymore. So I'm a bit boggled why all these things are coming out in my subconscious now.
Another thought that comes is, could this just be my old brain patterns trying to fight the new brain patterns I'm making? Coz I am doing everything I can to change for the better, to discard my old ways of thinking and doing things. And like any habit that is hard to break, there will be withdrawal symptoms. Perhaps that's just it... sort of a withdrawal symptom because I am turning a new leaf and making major changes in my life, in my way of thinking, in my way of doing things.
The Four of Cups tarot card is telling me to open my eyes and to accept the fourth cup. The card says that the 3 cups on the ground will be my future regrets if I do not stop sulking or sleeping. Hence, this card is a call to action; it is time to wake up, be alert and to be open to new experiences. It's good then that whatever painful emotions I have suppressed have now been resolved in my dream and now I can finally say yes, consciously and subconsciously, to the major changes that I am about to make in my life, to the new set of exciting experiences that I am about to indulge myself in. Wish me good luck! I hope I have helped you as well through my insights. Happy new year and cheers to a better you, a better us! (^_^)