I dreamt of being back in Ateneo. Instead of walking on a regular pathway around campus, I was riding on a gliding floor that branched into two, one going to the left side of the campus, the other to the right. It felt like I was in first year and I was attending an org meeting for the first time. Then it jumped to my second year. I was attending a meeting again and while combing my hair, I was introduced to two new members of the freshmen level. Next thing I knew, my clothes were wet and I was running around riding the gliding floor going to the right side of the campus.
" Dreams of finding oneself back at school, but demoted to a lower class, or stripped of some coveted responsibility, symbolize childhood insecurities that have still not been resolved. "
Ha! You got that right! There are still some insecurities about myself that I haven't resolved since childhood. I can't pinpoint each of them right now but in terms of feelings, I am definitely feeling very down and insecure.
Furthermore, " The classrom can represent learning, nostalgia, competition, or the need to rethink aspects of one's personal, social or professional life. " I am missing school a lot lately --- my happy elementary days at St. Scolastica's Academy of Marikina, my exciting and hormonal secondary years in Lourdes of Cagayan de Oro City, and my challenging days at Ateneo de Manila. I miss learning exciting new things and feeling fulfilled with my studies and tasks. Lately, I've also been thinking about one of my aspirations or dream jobs when I was in college --- that of becoming a guidance counselor to college students. Actually, there were so many things I wanted to do back then. I've tried most of it like acting, teaching, marketing, being an entrepreneur and working in a call center to name a few. I've been happy with most of them but my earnings weren't enough to sustain my happiness and fulfillment coz at the end of the month, what mattered still was if I could pay the bills or not. Now that life has led me to take a mindless job that pays well, I took it, thinking that as long as I earn more than enough, I'd be happy. Well, sometimes I am happy living quite a comfy life. But inside, I am empty. I have no sense of fulfillment and my brain cells are disintegrating ever so slowly but surely. I tried taking some masteral course just for the heck of it, only, it bored me to death. There are still some ideas ruminating in my head. Like maybe, I can take a masteral course in psychology even it it means having no time to relax at all since the classes will either be every Saturday, 9am-6pm or every M-W-F 6pm-9pm. Or I could try the PLDT DSL Internet cafe thing...stuff like that. It's not yet the end. I may be rotting in my dead-end job but at least it gives me the chance to financially sustain all the other things I want. For now, that is enough. It should be enough.